by: Eric Kaiser

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Copyright © 2002 Eric Kaiser

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that The Weed Dreams is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

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X.: X should be older than Y. or Z. X. has been a part of this system for so long that she comes across almost robotic, however, she is totally adept to her environment. Her Lucidity comes across in waves. She almost always looks forward at the leader’s podium.
Y.: Y. should be younger than X. but older than Z. Y. isn’t as robotic as X. Y. is in that middle ground, more paranoid and a more malicious than X. Y’s lucidity is more of a consistent, however her paranoia takes almost all of her brain space.
Z.: Z. is the youngest. This is his first day. He is fresh and completely human. He is so excited that he is almost reckless in his enthusiasm for the system.
They should all be wearing some sort of official looking uniform, whatever it looks like they should all be wearing the exact same.
We should feel that we are looking at a packed room. The stage should be filled with chairs and the actors can act like all of those chairs are full. The audience is presumably the Leader’s podium.
The air is very tense. Any wrong thing said or done could result in immediate, death or imprisonment, and everyone knows it. However, everyone also knows that the more nervous you are the more you are scrutinized by those higher than you. So all the actors try and act as calm and as happy as possible.

[X. is the first to enter, she must act like all the chairs all full except for the three she is walking to, she calmly apologizes to all the people as she gets to her chair.]

X.: Slightly Sorry. Slightly sorry. Slightly Sorry I’m almost late. Good to see you. Slightly sorry I’m almost late.

[The second X. sits, Y. enters. Y. does not hide her nervousness as well.]

Y.: [Also talking to the imaginary people.] Sorta Sorry, sorta sorry, sorta sorta sorry. How are you? You’re not mad, I’m almost late. Sorta Sorry. Sorta Sorry.

[Y. sits next to X.]

X.: [Suddenly very authoritative.] You’re late.

Y.: Almost late.

X.: Almost late is late.

Y.: Only almost.

X.: You think the leader would agree? The new leader? Agree that being five minutes early is early? That’s late. You’re late. Late. God forbid he finds out.

Y.: When did you get here?

X.: Been here.

Y.: Since when?

X.: Since before you when, and that’s early enough.

Y.: ‘Early enough?’ Sounds more like duty than honor and privilege. I was spending time getting extra special ready, like a political consummation. A prepubescent coital dream of excitement at the leader, that’s why I wasn’t as early as could have been.

X.: He doesn’t care about, such details, just the facts. And the fact was you’re late.

Y.: So now you’re assuming what he thinks? What do we need him for if you have already decided his thought? You can do better than him?

X.: [Not knowing how to rebut.] You should have been earlier, And if it comes down to it, I won’t hesitate to say what I saw.

Y.: And what did you see?

X.: You know what I saw, I saw you being late. And if I need tell the leader I will you cancer sore. [She sees Z. walking in. Z. takes a while to find an opening in all of the seats.] It is alright. Alright. He is later than we. Alright. [Pause.] I’m getting to old for this…Sweet leader forgive. Nice to see you again. You’re life is good?

Y.: I am Alive, my children are alive…all is good thanks to the leader. You’re children are alive?

X.: [Pause. As a wave of lucidity hits her.] I, Getting old, getting tired. Want sleep…want dream…my young girls dreams were dreamt…and came true…dreamt wrong want dream again. Getting old, and cold. Need new dreams. Mine and theirs. All the good I dreamt turned not good. All we did and do to help, only helped a few, a few that did not need the help, Young green leaves forced to brown crushed in the street for new shiny shoes to hear the crunch, the love of the crunch.

Y.: [Y. is in shock that those words were said. She is terrified she might be associated with them.] I’m sorry I didn’t hear you. Too busy waiting for the leader. To excited for more glorious changes and ideas. I did not hear you. I did not hear her.

X.: Lotta young ended for the true and good. Lotta young. No longer matter no more, upstairs going take from me soon, all I have left to take, let them have it. Force of habit my love of this.

[Z. is unapologetic about his lateness, he just walks over to X. and Y. Z. sits. X. instantly reverts to her prior systematic self. ]

Z.: Wow, huh? Wow. My first time here. How exciting. Huh?

X.: You are late.

Y.: Very late.

Z.: It’s one minute till.

X.: That is late.

Y.: Very late.

Z.: [Confused.] But…I’m early.

X.: One minute?

Y.: That counts as early now?

X.: He, you think he--

Z.: Who?

X.: Who?

Y.: Who?

X.: Him. The leader, the new glorious leader. He will tolerate tardiness.

Z.: But--

Y.: Last one here. That’s later than everyone else. We’ve been here.

X.: Long time now.

Y.: Couldn’t wait to see him. Been here all day.

X.: I here all day also.

Y.: Her too.

Z.: Well…am I in trouble?

X.: Lotta people always in a lotta trouble.

Y.: ‘Course not us, we love the leader.

X.: Love him.

Z.: Well, so do I.

X.: Didn’t love him enough to get here early.

[Suddenly all three see the leader they stand up and start clapping, a tape of huge applause can accompany the three. The three will continue clapping until the end of the play. Even though after a few minutes their hands will hurt, they, still try and smile as large as they can. If the sound of their clapping is to obtrusive, they can silently clap.]

X.: The leader. I love the leader.

Y.: I love the leader.

Z.: We love the leader.

X.: No, no, no we. Only I truly love the leader and I will show it to him.

Y.: I love him more.

X.: Not more than I.

Y.: Much more.

X.: Yeah. I’m an old Woman, I loved him longer.

Y.: But he’s new to all of us.

X.: I’m older. I’ve seen lotsa leaders. Lotsa leaders. None like him.

Y.: You’ve never seen him.

X.: Stop ruining his moment. This is his moment not ours. You’re clapping is a shoddy mess. Clap like you mean it.

[The three continue to clap, their faces contort a bit in pain, still all three all smiles.]

Z.: [Whispering.] When can we stop?

Y.: [Jumping at the opportunity.] When you want child. Whenever you want.

Z.: Why is no one else stopping?

Y.: Waiting for you to stop first child. You’re the youngest, no children to lose.

Z.: No children yet. Soon. Very Soon.

X.: Very soon.

Z.: And to think that my children will soon prosper and dream under the love and truth of the leader. A new healthy crop grown under the leaders new compassionate and fair sun. Where there are no weeds, only green fertile life. And I will fight my life to harvest that crop. I dream of that green fertile land. Green fresh life…my hands hurt.

Y.: Then stop!

X.: Give the child a chance! Keep clapping…why do you love the leader?

Z.: Well…

X.: Faster.

Z.: Clap?

X.: Answer. Why you love the leader? Why? Love the leader, why?

Z.: Well--

X.: No ‘Well’ only why. Now!!

Z.: Because…he…he…

X.: You want your kids? Wanna see ‘em? Why you love the leader?

Z.: My hands hurt.

Y.: They should let them hurt, all the leader will give to you and you can’t stand a little hand heat?

X.: Stop. Why you love the leader?

Z.: Well--

X.: No ‘Well.’ You love him because he is a god on earth, with the foresight and compassion of the divine. The leader is the gardener, we his hoe. We have no idea the weeds from the crop. We are a blind tool without his sight…and so on. Keep clapping.

Z.: My hands hurt.

[The clapping gets more frantic, the pain is visible on their faces, they still try and smile. The lines overlap, the heat and pain in their hands manifest in their fast and furious talk. These lines can overlap.]

Y.: Well then stop.

X.: Don’t stop.

Y.: We never whined like this. Makes me sick. A weed, he’s a weed. I’m a crop. He a weed.

X.: We all weeds.

Z.: This is crazy.

X.: Don’t stop clapping.

Z.: Someone’s gotta stop.

X.: Not you child. Your dreams still time for dreamt.

Y.: Why you care?

X.: Let me care. Don’t stop child.

Y.: We do this for a reason. Weed out the weeds.

X.: Don’t listen to him child. Keep clapping. Be a crop.

Z.: My hands hurt.

Y.: Whiney weed.

X.: Shut up.

Y.: Why you care?

X.: Don’t matter.

Y.: Why you care?

X.: Let me care.

Z.: My hands hurt.

X.: Keep clapping.

Y.: You stupid old cancer, why you care.

X.: Let there be one green leaf.


[And with the scream, Z. stops for a mili-second. All of the audience, X. And Y. included, take his initiative, and also stop clapping, they sit. It must be clear that Z. Stopped first.]

Y.: Goodbye kid.

Z.: What?

[Two Burly guards with guns rush in, and grab Z.]

Y.: The leader has no time for the lazy and the weak. The weeds.

[They begin to drag Z. off-stage. X. Stands up.]

X.: It was me!!! I stopped first, not him…you saw the wrong guy.

Y.: What are you doing?

X.: I did it. I did it, not the child. I don’t have the time to waste on [Referring to the leader] him. No more time to waste on him. It was me. I am a weed. I have dreamt of a poison crop for my children.

[The guards drop Z. and rush to X. they pick him up and drag him off.]


[X. is gone. Z. sits next to Y.]

Z.: Where’s he going?

Y.: Out with the other weeds. Just shut up and listen.

[There are two possible endings. You choose.]

[A: Over the loudspeaker THE LEADER says one word, then suddenly in the wings of the stage, death screams…cry and drown out the leader. The lights fade on Y. Then Z.]

[B: Over the loudspeaker THE LEADER says one word, then suddenly Y. And Z. stand up again and clap. Like before as lights fade.]


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