[We hear a moaning. Enter Blepyros. He's immense. He wears a woman's slip that barely covers him. He holds his gut.]

BLEPYROS: What the flip is going on here? Where the flip is my wife? Praxagora!? It's dawn and my wife's disappeared. She's gone, my slippers gone, cloaks gone… has anyone seen my flippin' wife? [Looks to audience] Shut up. I had to settle for her slip and Persian mules… Since… oooh. [Holding his stomach and arse] Uh-oh. I gotta go. Oh flip. I ain't gonna make it. I gotta go right now. [He looks around.] Where's a good place to shit? Who's to see? Any old spot'll do me. [He sits and grunts.]

[We hear grumbling and barking offstage from an old man.]

PHEIDOLOS: [Offstage] Hurry up aide, aide hurry up! Blanch?! Blanch?! Goddamnit, these shoes are killing me. Hurry up aide, aide hurry up.

[Enter Pheidolos. He is ancient. So old in fact he doesn't move of his own volition. He is being carried and manipulated by two young male aides. Sort of like Weekend at Bernies, except Pheidolos is still alive.]

PHEIDOLOS: I don't see her. Do you see her aide? Don't know what my wife sneaked out to do, but I am sure it is no good. I ought to be beat with a cudgel for getting married at my age. [Aide pulls out a mallet.] It's called an exaggeration you fool. [PHEIDOLOS takes mallet and bops the AID with it.] Put me down, I have to rest. I'm exhausted. Having a young wife is good for appearances, but it's aging me horribly. Who's that? My god that large woman is giving birth by the side of the road. Aide, take me to that woman; I may be of some assistance. Large woman! Excuse me large woman, I may be of some help—-aide get under there and see if she's crowning.

[AIDE scurries under.]

BLEPYROS: Hey! [AIDE is hit in the face with stink and passes out.] Can a man crap in peace?

PHEIDOLOS: Congressman Blepyros!

BLEPYROS: Oh. Good morning congressman Pheidolos…

PHEIDOLOS: What are you doing?

BLEPYROS: Do I really have to explain it?

PHEIDOLOS: Terribly sorry, would never want to interrupt a man's morning constitution. Actually, what you are doing there seems like a good idea. With all the excitement I haven't had my morning movement. Aides, I wish to shit. Put me down beside my dear friend Blepyros.

BLEPYROS: By all means!

[They squat. A beat.]

PHEIDOLOS: May I take the liberty of mentioning that slip is really not your color.

BLEPYROS: Oh no, it's my wife's. I had to put something on. [Eyeing what Pheidolos is wearing.] Speak for your self, Pheidolos.

PHEIDOLOS: Actually this is my wife's as well. By the way, have you seen her?

BLEPYROS: I was going to ask you if you'd seen my wife. Wait. Hold on. Did you wake up this morning and find your wife Blanch missing from your bed?

PHEIDOLOS: Why yes! From my bed and from my house!

BLEPYROS: Along with your cloak?


BLEPYROS: And your slippers? And cane?


BLEPYROS: It's Praxagora!

PHEIDOLOS: She stole my personal items!? I'll have her lashed! No one takes my things without a fight! Did you marry a kleptomaniac?

BLEPYROS: No! Blanch took your stuff, but I'm sure she's getting it back.


BLEPYROS: Oh yes. I'm sure Praxagora's behind this. She's up to something. I can feel it. Something radical.

PHEIDOLOS: Something radical! Good Gods! I thought Blanch was just having an affair! This is serious!

BLEPYROS: No. Your wife's no whore… as far as I know.

PHEIDOLOS: She's not? Good ol' Blanch. I never thought she'd stick around this long frankly.

BLEPYROS: I'm sure she thought the same of you.

PHEIDOLOS: Have you asked your neighbor, Congressman Chremes? May be he knows something.

BLEPYROS: Congressman Chremes? That nincompoop? I'm looking for a Greek, not a geek. I can never get a straight answer from him anyway… Yes. Something stinks.

PHEIDOLOS: It certainly does. Knowing our wives they could take over the country!

BLEPYROS: No I meant something really stinks. What did you have for dinner?

PHEIDOLOS: I am finished now. Aide?

[PHEIDOLOS motions, AIDE wipes.]

BLEPYROS: Pheidolos, how many terms have you served?

PHEIDOLOS: I don't know. I can't remember. But I am very concerned about the issue of term limits, aren't you?

BLEPYROS: Oh yes. Concerned. Very Concerned.

PHEIDOLOS: Well that was a very industrious laying of pipe. My god man, you must be squeezing out a chariot!

BLEPYROS: I ate an unripe plum and it's jammed the passage.

PHEIDOLOS: A late dispatch of the front pressing from the rear, eh? Would you like one of my aides to root it out? You're going to be late for congress, if we haven't missed it already.

BLEPYROS: No, no. I'm not going to Congress now. I'll just finish up here and wait for my wife, Praxagora. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

PHEIDOLOS: Good luck. I'm going to continue to look for Blanch and my only cloak. Come aides. By the way, I got myself a new Sweet Young Thing.

BLEPYROS: What happened to the old one?

PHEIDOLOS: I outlived her of course. It's strange though I can't seem to find the new one either. In fact I haven't seen any women at all! Hmmm.

AIDE: Hmmm.

PHEIDOLOS: What do you think you're doing? I'll do the deep thinking around here. Let's go! Hurry up Aide! Hut two three four!

[They exit. Blepyros still squatting, raises his hands towards heaven.]

BLEPYROS: Goddess of childbirth, Grant my labor some quick issue before I split. Render me corkless. My mother didn't raise no son to be emptied by hand.

[CHREMES enters with a bottle of wine.]

CHREMES: Well I'll be. I've been saving this for right time and it looks like this is it. Gods Bless Athens! A new age has begun!

[He pulls the cork with a loud pop.]

BLEPYROS: Oh thank Goddess! Relief at last. [Seeing Chremes.] Chremes, what are you doing you dumb ass?

CHREMES: Oh excuse me young lady, I didn't mean to interrupt your private moment. I just saw what happened at Congress and I was celebrating! My neighbor Congressman Blepyros passed a new resolution! Do I know you Miss? Would you care for some wine? It can be an excellent diarrheic.

[His interest peaked; BLEPYROS covers his face and feigns being a female.]

BLEPYROS: [in a high voice] Uh… no, no thank you… kind sir… I'm sorry I don't know you, but I know of you…

CHREMES: Oh really? What do you know?

BLEPYROS: That you are very stupid, but very sweet. [giggles]

CHREMES: Yea, yea, well my mother always said sweet is only skin deep. But stupid comes from inside.

BLEPYROS: [After a beat, taking this in] Right. Uh, as you can see I was temporarily detained and did not attend Congress… what's this about Congressman Blepyros? Congressman Blepyros spoke at congress?

CHREMES: He sure did!

BLEPYROS: Wearing his same over-cloak, cane and slippers?

CHREMES: Yes but, I have to admit it was rather… strange.

BLEPYROS: Strange? How strange?

CHREMES: Well first of all when he got up to speak Blepyros didn't look himself.

BLEPYROS: Didn't look himself?

CHREMES: Well he looked… better!


CHREMES: Yea! Ya know… Slimmer, lost some weight, his skin looked paler, not all red-faced, his voice was clear, spoke well, not his usual self…

BLEPYROS: Usual self?

CHREMES: Ya know, fat, pissed off, red faced, sputtering when he speaks, farting all the time…

BLEPYROS: All right! All right! Got it. What did she, I mean he, say!

CHREMES: Well he insisted our only salvation was placing the state in the hands of the Congressmen's wives!

BLEPYROS: What?!… [Gags a bit…]

CHREMES: And this mob of really pale Congressmen applauded and screamed "Hear Hear!" [Upset, BLEPYROS is in the midst of a coughing fit.] Are you all right Miss? Would you like some water? You sure do have a cute cough…

BLEPYROS: No! No… I'm fine… what happened after that?

CHREMES: At first it didn't sit well with the rest of the Congress, they rumbled pretty loud…

BLEPYROS: [Normal voice.] Thus showing some flippin' balls!


BLEPYROS: Thus rowing walls through the halls…


BLEPYROS: That's all the playwright could think of; let's move on, hm? Then what happened?

CHREMES: Well their rumbles weren't loud enough for Blepyros, no sir; he drowned them out with a big long list of female virtues and then balanced each one with a vice.


CHREMES: Yea, a vice of his own. He really just started calling himself bad names.

BLEPYROS: She what?

CHREMES: He called himself a shyster…


CHREMES: And a gangster!

BLEPYROS: Just me? I mean her? I mean him?

CHREMES: As Zeus is my judge! And then he called himself a Fink!

BLEPYROS: [Absolutely livid] A Fink!?

CHREMES: He said women are a far superior being and that compared to the judgment and trustworthiness of a woman, he is [laughing now] that Blepyros is… this is the best part… that Blepyros is a dirty, lying, flippin', stinkin' and constipated blow-hard who's ears should be on an elephants and further more a big… fat… stupid… fuckchop of a fink… [He turns to see the woman is Blepyros] Blepyros! What… I… he… oh shit.

BLEPYROS: What else did he say my good friend Chremes? Go on. I'm all ears.

CHREMES: That wasn't you at Congress was it?

BLEPYROS: [Backing him down.] What do you think?

CHREMES: [Cowering.] Now, now, now, I didn't say those things, I was just laughin' at them ‘cause they're so true!

BLEPYROS: What else did she say?

CHREMES: She? You mean you were a woman! Why are you dressin' like a woman all the time? You one of them theatre types?

BLEPYROS: What else did she say!

CHREMES: Praxagora! It was Praxagora wasn't it? I'll be a Gorgon's uncle… you two have another fight?


CHREMES: That, uh… women are always lending each other something- dresses, accessories, cups even cash loans and every item is always returned. While most men, including you, filch from their friends…

BLEPYROS: Is that so.

CHREMES: According to you, him, she, whatever, the women don't lodge complaints or prosecute suits or plot to destroy democracy, instead they bring boundless boons, and bounties, and whatever's good… you went on for a while, but that was the general gist…

BLEPYROS: How did we vote?

CHREMES: To entrust the city to the women.

BLEPYROS: Aaaaagh! And that's the vote?

CHREMES: The law.

BLEPYROS: The women are now the executive branch?

CHREMES: Correct.

BLEPYROS: And all our civic duties?

CHREMES: Are women's work.

BLEPYROS: And how did you vote?

CHREMES: Seemed like a good idea to me!

BLEPYROS: A good idea? We've lost our jobs!

CHREMES: [After a beat.] Oh. But we don't have to work in the morning anymore--we can just roll over in our beds and exchange our groans for blissful farts.

BLEPYROS: But they're in charge now you imbecile! You know what they could do?


BLEPYROS: They could put the pressure on… and coerce us…

CHREMES: Into what?

BLEPYROS: Coerce us into coition.

CHREMES: What's coition. [A beat] Oh! Coition! Well screw them!

BLEPYROS: That's just what I mean! They're not going to take this lying down! My wife is serious! They may cut off our food! We'll die! And no more Sweet Young Things!

CHREMES: We'll be screwing away for dear life!

BLEPYROS: Coition upon coercion. It's a degrading prospect.

CHREMES: We must return to power!

BLEPYROS: Don't worry, I have an idea. Give me your cloak.

CHREMES: Well all right. [He begins to take off his cloak.] Well an ancient tradition declares that every idiot blunder we pass into law will sooner or later rebound to Athen's profit.

BLEPYROS: [Putting on Cloak.] And your slippers.

CHREMES: O Queen Athena, O—in fact—all other Members of the Pantheon please let this ton of bricks rebound in the proper fashion. [Chremes has given Blepyros his slippers. Chremes stands in his skivvies.] What now?

[We hear the chorus coming with a "Forward! March!"]

BLEPYROS: That's them. They're coming— Go!

CHREMES: I'm leaving! Good luck Blepyros!

[CHREMES exits as CHORUS enters singing. BLEPYROS hides and watches.]

PRAXAGORA: To do our best! That was our quest!
To storm those hallowed halls
And once again we showed the men
Who's got the bigger balls

CHORUS: We marched in a masculine manner
We strode with a virile thud
No sway or sashay gave us away
We won and the men's names are mud

SOLO: I can't go on in this disguise

2nd SOLO: You must for now

3rd SOLO: The walls have eyes

4th SOLO: Oh where's the girl I used to be

PRAXAGORA: It's time to let it out you see

CHORUS: We marched in a masculine manner
Oh what a glorious day

PRAXAGORA: By binding down our tits
We rose above the shit

CHORUS: Carpe diem and a fuckin' A

CHORUS: We marched in a masculine manner
We strode with a manly gate
We dropped our voices low
Testosterone did flow
And our groin scratching was first rate

PRAXAGORA: [in counter melody under above] We were swell, we were great
We had all the known world on a plate
Starting here, starting now
Honey everything's coming up baklava

PRAXAGORA: The men all said
"It can't be done! You're dumb, you're weak!"
Too bad . . . we won!
So let the joyous news be spread . . .
This wicked bitch is far from dead

ALL: We didn't stutter or stammer
At last the powers that be were held at bay

PRAXAGORA: The womenfolk arose
To bloody mensfolk's nose

ALL: Carpe diem and a fuckin' A

PRAXAGORA: The day is ours . . . let every hen
Strip off the clothes and beards of men
It's time for us to end the joke
Untie those shoes and chuck the cloak
Our victory has no equal

BLEPYROS: [Aside] And with luck there won't be any sequel

CHORUS: We marched in a masculine manner
We strode with a virile thud
No sway or sashay gave us away
We won and the men's names are mud

PRAXAGORA: We sallied forth and rallied ‘round
A cause we loved so well

BLEPYROS: [Aside] And by the gods it seems to me
That life will be a living hell

CHORUS: We marched in a masculine manner
At last the women finally get their say

PRAXAGORA: The men folk think me crass?
Pucker up and kiss my ass!

CHORUS: Carpe diem

PRAXAGORA: Carpe diem

CHORUS: Carpe diem

ALL: Carpe diem and fuckin'A

[The women have stripped down. All but BLEPYROS. The CHORUS cheers for PRAXAGORA. She sees one woman has not stripped.]

PRAXAGORA: Go ahead there friend, the coast is clear, you may de-disguise yourself…

BLEPYROS: [In a high voice.] Um… I just had a question. What should we tell our husbands? Where we've been today I mean.

PRAXAGORA: You just tell them it's no business of theirs!

[CHORUS cheers!]

BLEPYROS: Um… excuse me… What if our husband implies that we've been sleeping around?

PRAXAGORA: Say your purity's open to proof! And have them give a simple sniff of your earlobes.


PRAXAGORA: Here. Sniff. [BLEPYROS does.] Well?

BLEPYROS: Well what?

PRAXAGORA: Any perfume?


PRAXAGORA: You see? I'm pure!

[The chorus laughs and cheers.]

BLEPYROS: [In normal voice.] A woman can't be banged with deodorized earlobes?


BLEPYROS: That's what my husband would say… you see. Wouldn't yours?

PRAXAGORA: Look. I understand your concern, but ladies, our husbands are stupid remember! My husband thought I was stupid the other day, but now I rule the country! Who's stupid now? I can see right through Blepyros. Ladies, men will believe whatever you tell them. But if you need some help—here's what I'm going to say to my dunderheaded moronic husband. [In a high, very feminine delicate flower voice.] "Oh Blepyros! A pregnant friend sent for my help in the night as she began her labor honey, I'm sorry I took your cloak snookums, but it was so chilly on my delicate little body… you understand."

BLEPYROS: And the cane and slippers?

PRAXAGORA: "To ward off robbers of course… I switched our shoes, and clumped along flat-footed, just like you do cutie, and banged the cane on the pavement, to throw up a curtain of noise. It saved your cloak from being stolen. Oh Blepyros, I know you'd understand." And then I'm going to add. "Oh by the way, I've been elected commander in chief by the Congress—so I don't want to hear any more of your shit!" [CHORUS cheers!] In fact Blepyros, why don't you come on over here and get down on your knees and give me some lovin'. But first, do a little dance for me, and strip, go ahead, a strip tease- and that's an order!

[BLEPYROS obliges and begins to step out of his clothing, The CHORUS sees this, but not PRAXAGORA. The CHORUS backs off pointing, trying to get PRAXAGORA'S attention.]

That Sweet Young Thing you been seein'?
Is bye-bye baby you know what I'm sayin'
So come up and see me
Just like Aphrodite
You want me now, who knew?
But you're just out of luck
It's your thumb you'll suck
As your balls are turning blue

So here's to Blepyros
He's true blue
He's an asshole through and through
He's an asshole so they quip
He says he tells the truth, but he's really full of…

[She turns to see Blepyros.]

Oh shit.

I thought that dress looked familiar.

BLEPYROS: Why it's my lovely wife.

PRAXAGORA: Hi. Blepyros. So. How's your day?

BLEPYROS: I'm not upset, don't worry. I just have a question.

PRAXAGORA: Hit me with your best shot. Fire away.

BLEPYROS: Now that you run the government, the entire structure of Athenian society… what are you going to do? How are you going to solve everybody's problems all at once? [A quiet beat.] See? It's not easy is it? Come on, give me your platform. Anybody can complain and want power. But what are you going to do?

PRAXAGORA: I'll demonstrate my programs line by line
And if you don't have an argument left to rebut?

BLEPYROS: I'll give you your time,
And I won't tell the Congress
That my wife was in my cloak being a nut

CHORUS: No time to throw rocks
Get on your soapbox
Do you need to count to ten?
Let mind and heart
Take an equal part
In defending the common woman
Hone intelligence
Forget reticence
Status increases without dishonor
We can't wait
To praise our state
Till Prosperity turns the corner

PRAXAGORA: I'm perfectly sure the advice I have
To impart is good not bad
But steeped in tradition
He'll call for my extradition…
Or he may just smile and nod
For when I talk of broadening minds
All he can think of is the broad

CHORUS: It's time to try
Be bold don't cry
A startling stroke is needed quick
But don't go the way
Of some stale cliché
The people hate worn out shtick

PRAXAGORA: All right.

Ladies and Gentlemen:
Do not interrupt the proposal please before you've heard it and kindly refrain from any rebuttal until you've grasped the concept. What I propose to propose? Four words. Compulsory Universal Community Property. Across the board Economic Equality. No more division between Rich and Poor; There is no middle class today, only segregation by income. Today you are judged by the amount of money in your pocket, not by the content of your character! Such segregation must go! Instead I'll institute total communalization.

BLEPYROS: My life with a radical wife.

PRAXAGORA: That's right. We'll all share our clothes and share the same food…

BLEPYROS: What sort of food will we share?


BLEPYROS: Shit?! You can have my share.

PRAXAGORA: No, no, I didn't mean shit. I meant shit as in shit-head, as in don't interrupt me shithead! As I was about to say… My initial move will be to communalize land, and money, and all other property, personal and real. From a common fund, thus created, we women whom you have elected will then proceed to supply you the people with what you need, employing our talents for budgeting, and thinking ahead.

BLEPYROS: But what about the wealthy man who hides his gold in his pockets? What about him?

PRAXAGORA: He'll deposit in the fund.

BLEPYROS: Suppose he keeps it?

PRAXAGORA: Simply keeping it won't do him any good!

BLEPYROS: It won't?

PRAXAGORA: Economic motives, the pressures of want and need will cease to exist! Everyone owns everything from bread to cake, from wine to winos, from Ding Dongs to Ho-Hos! So where's the profit in not depositing?

Well? If you find an answer, please expound.

BLEPYROS: But let's say a man loses a lawsuit in court—where does he find the funds? It wouldn't be right to tap the public till.

PRAXAGORA: To begin with, the actions of the courts are a thing of the past. No lawsuits.


PRAXAGORA: What reason would there be for lawsuits?

BLEPYROS: Say a debtor refuses to pay?

PRAXAGORA: But where did the creditor get the money to lend? All funds are public—he'd be a thief! And robbing from himself!? Life's little necessities will be provided for all. If someone starts to rob you of your clothes? Don't get you panties in a bunch, give them to him as a present. There will be better clothes for the taking down at the public storehouse.

BLEPYROS: But certainly men will still gamble… a friendly role of the cubes.

PRAXAGORA: With nothing to feed the kitty?

BLEPYROS: Wait a minute! Just what sort of society is this?

PRAXAGORA: Communal. Share and share alike. All will work and live well for the good of the state! I'll knock out walls and remodel the city into one big happy household, where all can come and go as they choose. But most importantly everyone will eat together—as a family would!

BLEPYROS: And where will you locate the dining room?

PRAXAGORA: In the courts! All the law courts will be converted into dining halls. I'm stocking the dock with crocks of wine and packing the bench with entertainment— concerts to our wartime heroes, interspersed with satires on the slackers. Just enough to shame cowards away from the dinner table.

BLEPYROS: So let me get this straight. So everything we share. Everything is communal. Everything is community property. Everything.

PRAXAGORA: Everything.

BLEPYROS: [To a SWT.] What about her. Is she community property?

You said everything.


BLEPYROS: Being a voice for the single man of course, my dear wife, let me propose a question. Say a young man sees a pretty young piece. He has no money to entice a girl into bed. So how is he supposed to entice some of these assets? She must be communal! Right?

CHORUS: Praxagora?/What's going on?/Don't leave us for the taking!

BLEPYROS: Everything's free, but the love? Everything's communal, but the sex? That's some un-fun society.

PRAXAGORA: You're right you may have her for free…



PRAXAGORA: Sure. Only if you have slept with someone else first.


PRAXAGORA: Gods no! That can happen anytime. Although it rarely does.

BLEPYROS: What's with these rules all of a sudden?

PRAXAGORA: It's simple. The women will be separated into two pools--the old, ugly and snub-nosed… and the absolute divine. The man who wants the later will have to take a crack at the gruesome first.

CHORUS: Yea!/That seems fair/They're gonna have to earn it!

BLEPYROS: So a young man has to bunk down the old and nasty before the best-stacked girl in stock?

PRAXAGORA: Seems fair.

BLEPYROS: What about us senior citizens. By the time they diddle with the old dogs--They won't have anything left for the raving beauties.

PRAXAGORA: Maybe that's the point. But don't worry yourself about it. The Sweet Young Things won't complain. Now getting back to the economy…

BLEPYROS: Now wait a minute, wait a minute, this isn't fair. This isn't communal. What about the women? Seems the women can shy away from the ugly ones and spread themselves for the handsome whenever they want!

CHORUS: That's right. What's the problem? Seems fair to me.

BLEPYROS: This goes against the society you created though. Communal means communal!

PRAXAGORA: Communal run by the women! You don't like it—leave!

BLEPYROS: Fine. Right after I tell Congress you deceived them.

PRAXAGORA: [After a beat.] All right. Then, too, the women can't climb into bed with the swell and the tall before they've raised the spirits and warmed the cockles of the grisly and small.

BLEPYROS: Now that makes sense! Athens's most grotesque can hold his head as high as any Adonis! Equality! For all! I like it!


PRAXAGORA: I rather think you misunderstand
It's butter and guns, not sex, that's at hand
The State's heart is open, it's pantry large
It'll stuff it's men folk free of charge
Once work is over and battle's done
That is the time for men to hunt for fun

CHORUS: And fun they'll find in alley's crowded
With grannies panting "Hey, how's bout it?"
The hags will rustle at men's heels
Spinning their heads with sexy spiels
"Come change your luck. I happen to know
A hot little nymphet who's ready to go!"

Then another one shouts, from a window above
"Why not try a higher type of love?
The girl up here is an absolute dream
Stacked like a statue, peaches and cream

CHORUS MEMBER (Geusistrate): [imitating old woman]

"There's just one thing before she's free
You'll have to try a fall with me."

SWEET YOUNG THING: But wait this changes a thing or two
To have a little fun I must first have it with you?
This is much worse than a cat with a fiddle
I'm not usually the second choice to be diddled

PRAXAGORA: I'm sorry my society didn't mean to have laws.

CREMES: What do ya know? It looks like the beauty has a few flaws.

SWT: But I'm not married yet, this isn't fair
My fiancé is the only one who can pick my pears

BLEPYROS: So all right hunks and dashing blades
Priority rating for pretty maids
Goes to the ugly, the awkward cuss
Goes in short to men like us
So when you see some passionate sprout
Go sprinting past you, set up a shout

PHEIDOLOS: Hey where's the fire? Why do you run?
First with me your babe must have some fun

[The CAST begins to exit.]

PRAXAGORA: Forgive me women I've made a mess
Looks like for old men you'll raise your dress

CHORUS: Just like mother…

PRAXAGORA: The city I have lost the handle
My marriage even looks a shambles

MEN: Just like mother…

PRAXAGORA: But tonight
Without a fight
We'll sit to dinner
Every saint
And every sinner
Eating as one
No restraint
All a winner

But till that time
Law of the land
Old and young will be all hands
And intertwined
What a mess
I'm beginning not to like
This sexual political chess
Oh brother…

CHORUS (offstage): Just like mother!

So if you see a granny in the lobby
Gray hair and maybe a bit knobby
Give her some love
Before your significant other
That's the law around here lover

And as for you young ladies
Get out the Viagra
And pass it around to
All the old daddies
And all the old grandpas
You got some work to do
The foot's on the other shoe

For the playwright quit writing for nine minutes maybe ten
So buy some candy or a coke but sorry no bourbon
The law around here doesn't allow us liquor
But we don't bicker
Or throw caution to the wind
We just sit down with ink and pen
And calmly write our Congress… men


Copyright © 2002 by Nick Zagone

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that The Congresswomen is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to the author at

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