CHARGE

by: ERIC KAISER

PAGES 1-10 PAGES 11-20 PAGES 21-30 PAGES 31-40
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GEORGE: It's better than human.

MARTHA: Better than human? [A thought. Then new plan of action.] I have an idea. I know how…WE…together can get our hearts charged again.

GEORGE: A bigger, better, titanium, reinforced turbo heart machine?

MARTHA: No. Something better. Remember the story of Brutha's Brutha and his Mutha? Well it's true. What if we came up with a plan to…help them.

GEORGE: A plan? How is a plan extreme? Action baby. Action. I'm extreme. Can you think of anyone more extreme than me?

MARTHA: I saw a movie about the ancient Romans.

GEORGE: THE ROMANS!!! Those poseurs. They used shields and armor. They were afraid of a little prick, so they hid behind metal. They're not extreme. This is fun. Who else do you think is as extreme than me? I'll bet you you can't find anyone. I dare you to try and find someone more extreme than me.

[Gigi and Pierre enter they are each rolling in those long poles that I.V. bags are attached to.]

PIERRE: GIVE ME YOUR ARM YOU SNAKE SCROTUM. I'M GONNA JAM THIS NEEDLE IN YOUR ARM AND MAKE IT HURT YOU BUCKET OF BEATLE BILE.

[PIERRE violently grabs George's arm, lifts the needle in the air like he is going to jam it in. Just before he is going to lunge. He whips out an alcohol wipe and gingerly puts the I.V. in George's arm.]

PIERRE: HA!!! I almost ripped your arm off you, AARDVARK ASS.

[Gigi rolls the I.V. over, and sits next to Martha.]

GIGI: Now some great fantastic wonderful news!!! And a tiny bit of news to counteract that.

MARTHA: Oh, no what?

GIGI: The good news is that we have a nice fresh bag of hood food. The counteracting news is that I have to let the tip of this needle rest past your skin.

MARTHA: Ohhh.

GIGI: No. Mmmmm. Think of how tasty this will be. [Gigi places the needle on her arm.] Now, the needle just needs a little rest, a little nap in your arm. That's all. A nap can't hurt. [She stick the needle in.] Mmmmm. Hmmm? Mmmmm.

MARTHA: MmmmmHmmm.

[Both George and Martha close their eyes as the food rushes in. Gigi and Pierre walk off stage. As the bags empty they open their eyes.]

GEORGE: HA!! I took that needle like a champ. Didn't even feel the ripping open of my flesh. Ahhh. I feel good tonight. Feel like I'm going to win.

MARTHA: I don't think my heart will allow me to stay in here anymore.

GEORGE: What does your heart have to do with it? Anything we could ever want is in here. In here is the only place I can win B. Nero 37981's toe. Our lives are perfect.

[With that Gigi and Pierre enter rolling in two more I.V. stands with empty bags above them.]

GEORGE: See, it's already time for our colostomy.

MARTHA: We're not as human as we used to be.

GEORGE: What? Any minute I'm going to be thirteen toes more human than I used to be.

[The door bell rings.]

GEORGE: See? Pierre, get my toe!! Get my toe!!

[Pierre walks to the door. The door opens a crack. Chiclet enters. She should be weaker and more tired than she was when we first saw her. She is carrying a little box. Pierre grabs it out if her hand. He starts to shut the door, then-.]

GEORGE: HURRY UP. HURRY UP!!! I WANT MY TOE!!!

[Chiclet quietly enters the room. She looks around in awe at the room. She finds a cozy spot directly across from George and Martha.]

GEORGE: FORGET ABOUT THE DOOR, AND BRING ME MY TOE.

[Martha sits up on her knees, looking out the door. She takes a deep breathe of the fresh air.]

[Pierre walks to George and gives him the box. George rips open the box, holds the toe and kisses it.]

GEORGE: Now, hang it up.

[Pierre hangs the toe.]

GEORGE: Now all I need to do is win B. Nero 37981's toe tonight, and whoever else is willing to challenge me. That's at least fourteen toes I could have after tonight. Maybe more. NOBODY IS MORE EXTREME THAN ME!!

MARTHA: I know someone who is.

GEORGE: Who?

MARTHA: [Quiet.] Me.

GEORGE: Who?

MARTHA: Me.

GEORGE: You?

MARTHA: Me.

GEORGE: How?

MARTHA: Because I am not afraid to go out there. I am not afraid to brave the light. I am not afraid to risk my life to help others.

GEORGE: NOW THAT'S A BET!!! I will bet you a toe….no my foot….no my spleen. Yes my spleen. I will bet you my spleen. You wouldn't last twenty…no….thirty eight minutes out there. Is it a bet? Thirty eight minutes and my spleen? Where would you go anyway? Are we betting, I can't keep all of my bets in order.

MARTHA: Someone needs to get Brutha's Brutha out of that gang. I need to get them out of that place. I need to set them free.

[Lights down on George and Martha.]

ACT II

[In the darkness Pierre walks over to George and wraps two of George's toes in gauze.]

[A little buzzer goes off. Martha and George take off their goggles, Martha immediately grabs her mirror she studies herself for a moment.]

GEORGE: Number One in productivity for the day!!! Again, I sunk them all. I sunk every last one of them. I knew I would be first again. Hell, I sunk everyone. [A thought.] Did we bet on me being first? Did we bet on that? What a day, what a day. My "S" key stuck for a thousandth of a second, two times. And I still came in number one. Did we bet on that? What a day, I need to relax, go headsurfing, get a toe. [Another thought.] Are my toes here yet? Where are my toes? I won Chen 526231's toe, Brown 432651's toe, Vasquez 256434's toe and Phillip 652314's toe. And I won C. Downs 45648's toe. Eighteen toes I have now. Eighteen can you imagine. Are their toes here yet? [Secret.] Guess what also happened last night? I told you I was getting tired of betting pinkie toes. Well, I lost my last one to my arch nemesis B. Nero 37981. He absolved me of yet another proof of my weakness. Well I wanted another shot at him so I bet a regular toe and I lost that also. I can't imagine going back to pinkies after that. He was good though. Damn good. He didn't cheat or anything. He is just a good one. I'll get him tonight though. He's in demand now, that everyone knows how good he is. So I'm going to bet three of my regular toes for one of his pinkies. That way it stays interesting for him. But no worry, no worry, I'll have one of his pinkies tonight.

MARTHA: I've made a decision.

CHICLET: Chiclet?

GEORGE: Did you say that?

MARTHA: I've made a decision.

GEORGE: Ahh, ahh, Ahha. We had a bet no talk about things like that.

MARTHA: What if we we're betting?

GEORGE: Are we?

MARTHA: Would you talk to me?

GEORGE: Are we betting?

MARTHA: If you'll hear my decision.

GEORGE: What's the bet?

MARTHA: Will you talk to me if we bet?

GEORGE: What's the bet?

MARTHA: I think you're going to lose all three toes tonight?

GEORGE: You think I am going to lose three toes tonight? You wanna throw a fourth toe into the mix?

MARTHA: No.

GEORGE: Oh, yes, I'll bet you a fifth toe you want to bet a fourth toe.

MARTHA: You don't have five toes to bet.

GEORGE: Is that a bet? I'll bet you six toes that I have at least five toes to bet.

MARTHA: Nope.

GEORGE: Quit teasing me. I hate that. I hate to be teased. It's frustrating. I can't read you. You act like you want to bet, you talk like you want to bet, but when it comes right down to it, you don't want to bet.

MARTHA: I want to talk.

GEORGE: We talked last night.

MARTHA: No we didn't.

GEORGE: We did. About social issues and change.

MARTHA: No, we only talked about talking about social issues and change.

GEORGE: And that is talking about social issues and change.

MARTHA: I Need to save Brutha's Brutha and his Mutha from the hood and get them out. It is so sad, they are out there and they are desperate and I have to leave this bed and help them. And I have decided to give you one last chance to help me. If not. I plan to ask Gigi to help me. Did you want to help me?

GEORGE: If I bet a toe, and lose it. I don't just trim the nail and call it even. I cut off my toe and send it. Now you lost and--

CHICLET: Chiclets?

GEORGE: Who said that?

MARTHA: Why can't we leave here?

GEORGE: We have been in here to long. Our skin isn't used to the sky anymore.

MARTHA: But I want us to save them.

CHICLET: Chiclets?

GEORGE: Who is that?

MARTHA: I don't know.

GEORGE: It's someone.

MARTHA: And it's not me. And I don't know.

GEORGE: Well, it's not me either.

MARTHA: I didn't say it was. Look if your not going to help me. [A moment.] Unless you are. Are you? Then I have to ask you a favor.

GEORGE: [Not knowing the word.] Favor?

MARTHA: I can't save the hood with only Gigi. I need to use Pierre also.

GEORGE: Pierre is mine.

MARTHA: Well, can I borrow him?

GEORGE: Pierre is mine.

MARTHA: Fine. Then I have a wager for you.

GEORGE: YOU DO??? Well, alright. This is what I'm talking about. Speak your terms worthy foe. [A quick thought.] Wait. This isn't a tease is it?

MARTHA: Last night I took you up on your challenge. And when you were headsurfing. I searched Gigi's files until I found a people more extreme than you. I bet you that you will agree they are more extreme than you.

GEORGE: [Insanely.] PIERRE FOR WHAT?? PIERRE FOR WHAT???

MARTHA: Well, one of my toes.

GEORGE: Which one? I'm done betting pinkies you know.

MARTHA: My big toe.

GEORGE: Left or right foot? Left or right?

MARTHA: Right.

GEORGE: Ohh you are so on. You are so on. This is good. And as an added bonus for the initiative: if you win not only can you HAVE Pierre, you can also talk about your hopes, dreams and fears as much as you want. [A thought.] This isn't a tease is it?

[Martha extends her hand and they shake.]

GEORGE: Name them. Who are they. Those brave souls trying to impede on my extremity?

MARTHA: An ancient people called. The Aztecs.

GEORGE: Don't know them. Are they in any movies?

MARTHA: Not that I know of.

GEORGE: I'm glad you've been next to me all these years. I'm late. My Diablo is waiting for me. After I defeat B. Nero 37981, I shall spend the rest of the evening finding out about these Aztecs.

[He puts on his goggles and is gone.]

[Martha takes a moment. Then looks at her face in the mirror.]

[After a moment she picks up a remote. It is the wrong one. She picks up three more until she gets the right one. She points it at the box and presses a button. GIGI's eyes open. She talks with the cheesy ultra fake French accent.]

GIGI: Bonjour!! How may I help you ma'am?

MARTHA: I love your little French accent.

GIGI: Thank you mademoiselle.

MARTHA: I don't think I could handle it if I didn't hear you little French accent.

GIGI: Of course you could mademoiselle.

MARTHA: [Still looking in the mirror. She finds something.] Gigi. Those veins. They didn't come back.

GIGI: And who made those veins disappear mademoiselle?

MARTHA: Oh. I don't know.

GIGI: Who made them disappear mademoiselle?

MARTHA: I did.

GIGI: Indeed Mademoiselle.

MARTHA: George won't help me. Last night when the door was open and I smelled the real air. I felt almost human again. I need to save Brutha's Brutha and his Mutha.

GIGI: Indeed mademoiselle.

MARTHA: And you need to help me.

GIGI: Of course mademoiselle.

MARTHA: I just need to program you. That way you can help me.

GIGI: Indeed mademoiselle.

MARTHA: I thought he would help me. I thought he would. [Pause.] Are you ready to receive programming?

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Copyright © 2000 Eric Kaiser

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that Charge is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to the author's representative at julianne.homokay@gmail.com

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